The Narrow Way

His reply shocked me a bit, he said he was still working through scars and hurts from that time in life. 😟 “Mike’s” words resonated deep within me. I felt sick to my stomach as I went to share my self-disgust with my husband. 😞

I’ve shared this before, but I was a true bully in high school. Mike had a locker not far from mine, and as we had messaged this day about helping a mutual friend, I remembered some of the things I used to say back then. I was a jerk. I was ruthless and merciless. The memory of my own words disgusts me. 😞

Even though high school was a long time ago, I’ve made it a point to apologize to anyone I remember hurting whenever I encounter them (and a handful I’ve sought out to initiate an apology). Most of the time people have chuckled and thanked me for my apology, but I’ve encounter a handful who haven’t, and I know why. Unfortunately no matter how much time has passed, how lives have changed, the damage that was done has remained to some extent.

As I processed this with my husband, I told him “kids can be just like chickens,” referencing things we’ve seen among our flock.

I recall coming outside and hearing my mother-in-law say “I stopped them from beating up Dori.” Dori was one of my chickens who I had been treating for an injury. I went to go see her, her head was a bloody mess, and I was filled with remorse for letting her out around the flock too soon. 🥺

After 3 years of owning chickens, this was the first time my flock had turned on one of its own. I heard my sister echoing in my mind, “chickens are evil,” she’d say. I knew they could be, but I had never had my birds turn on each other, not until this day. 😰

That evening, we put Dori down, her wounds were too great and it wasn’t right to let her suffer, selfishly hoping she’d recover. I won’t forget how disappointed my husband was. He was so angry at the other birds for attacking poor Dori that his opinion of chickens forever changed. He wanted to go outside and kill the whole flock for being so cruel, though we both knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Unfortunately, they were just doing what chickens do. 🤷‍♀️

There’s nothing I can do to un-do the wrongs I’ve done in life. There’s no price I can pay, and there aren’t enough “I’m sorry’s” in the world to heal the wounds I’ve inflicted. I’m not looking for sympathy here, I’ve come to terms with this. But surely there was something I could offer Mike besides an apology? Some salve for the wounds perhaps?

At the risk of overstepping, I messaged him back with what helped me, and it’s not really a “what,” but a Who. Shortly after giving my life to Jesus, I felt deep conviction over the anger, bitterness, and un-forgiveness I was harboring. I had come to an understanding of the forgiveness God had given me, and if He was willing to forgive me, after all of the terrible things I had done, I knew I must be willing to forgive those who had hurt me. I didn’t need to excuse them, nor justify them, I didn’t even need to forget what they had done to me–but I needed to extend to them the kind of forgiveness I had found–and it was total.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matt 6:14-15

I wasn’t really sure how to forgive properly. I could pray it and say it out loud, but this pit inside of me remained. I felt a nudge from God after reading my Bible one day–pray blessings every day for 30 days. It’s such a counterintuitive thing, to pray for the people who have hurt you to be blessed. Yet, Jesus said “pray for your enemies and bless those who persecute you.” I decided to listen. For 30 days, every single day, I blessed. In the beginning, I felt like I was lying and I struggled to get the words out. But as I continued, the words became more genuine and free flowing. By the end of 30 days, I no longer felt intense emotion when names came to mind. I was free.

I can’t help but wonder if God commands us to bless our enemies because of how it changes our hearts towards them. Or perhaps, He knows that like the people who crucified Jesus, “they know not what they do…” Hurt people hurt people as they say. Maybe it’s a bit of both?

Regardless of why God tells us to forgive and to bless, I will testify to this: it works. His salve brings healing. 🙌

Years later one of those people I had prayed for during those 30 days died suddenly. When I heard the news, my initial thought was “Lord have mercy,” and I wondered if he ever found Jesus before dying 🤔. It wasn’t forced. I didn’t conjure up some pious fake Christanese compassion, nor did I have a moment of thinking he deserved it. My gut-level response was for mercy. When I realized this, I knew God had completely changed my heart in this matter. All I did was take His medicine as prescribed.

I’m not sure where you are in life, maybe you are (or were) part of the flock, maybe you are (or were) the Dori. One thing I’m certain of–if you’re a chicken–there’s no hope for you. 😂 As sweet as you may be, the first sign of blood and the most primitive instincts will arise. But, I don’t know any chickens who can read. I also don’t know any who are worth redeeming, not even my favorites.

But you,

“you were bought at a price…” 1 Cor 6:20

Jesus paid the highest price for mankind. He gave His life in the most inconceivable way, for YOU. If you’re a Dori, it could be easy to say “yes, but I’ve not done much wrong, wrong was done to me.” And you may be right, mostly. Dori was a chicken, and if given the opportunity, she was capable of just as much evil as her flock. Even the best of people have sinned, and even the best people are capable of great evil. Every single one of us has fallen short of perfection, so every single one of us is in need of redemption if we expect to be in right standing with a Holy God.

And this is why God offers us a remedy. He knew what we needed to be made righteous (in right standing) and so He extended forgiveness through the blood of Jesus. He offers it, but the choice to receive it is ours. I think for many, if we are honest with ourselves and by God’s grace able to fully realize our great need to be forgiven, we are quick to receive. Mankind may never forgive us as passionately as God does, but that doesn’t mean we can’t choose to be generous to those who have wronged us.

Think about it.

As always, thanks for stopping by. I pray that you are blessed by this and able to make peace with God and all those around you.