faith

Surrender

Miss Daisy2 Comments

On April 11, 2025, I went to a conference in Lake Geneva hosted by HUB. Heidi Baker, my favorite missionary was due to speak and whenever possible, I’ve tried to go listen. That night I had an encounter with God that is difficult and too long to describe here. During that time of ministry I prayed many things, one of which I’ll share.

As I laid everything down—everything—every relationship, good work, desire, hobby, etc, I also laid down my sheep. I have a small flock of sheep that I’ve really enjoyed caring for, and that night, as I was face down on the carpet, I felt a nudge to surrender my sheep. To be completely honest, I was fine with this. It probably sounds strange, but there are times that you’re so close to the Lord that nothing else matters 🙌. This was one of those. Nothing mattered except to be found in the place of total surrender and obedience 💛 I remember distinctly praying “Lord, take my sheep, and if they need to go (completely), then take Miss Diasy during lambing.”

I can honestly say that I don’t know why I prayed that so specifically 🤔 Miss Daisy is my favorite sheep and has made my entire shepherding experience worthwhile. She formed a strong bond with me, and as the matriarch of the flock, whatever Daisy does, the others do. Having her has been a huge advantage as she calms the others and also leads them. At the time, she had also been my top producer of lambs, always birthing and caring for large, healthy lambs including triplets the previous year. So when I prayed “take Miss Daisy during lambing,” I wasn’t just saying “I’m giving you my favorite,” I was also offering my best and my flock. If the Lord took her, I wasn’t interested in keeping sheep anymore, she made it worth it 🥹

What I didn’t expect was what would happen just a few weeks later. On May 2, 2025, I hosted a birthday party. I took the guests out to see Clover’s lambs and as I did, I noticed something. Daisy’s hind end was swollen, abnormally so. At first I thought she may just be nearing lambing, but something didn’t look right…😕

I later went out and took some pictures and sent them to my sheep mentor. His wife, Nancy, is a veterinarian. After showing him the pictures, he said he’d never seen anything like it and asked if it was ok for his wife to call me. I knew something was very wrong and remembered my prayer from April…Nancy and I talked through it and she believed Daisy had a perineal hernia. She stated she’s never seen this before in sheep, but had seen it in a few dogs. Her recommendation was to have a C-section to remove the lambs.

The next few days were rough. Knowing my prayer, I wrestled with how much to intervene. Each day I watched the hernia grow larger as the lambs inside grew and put more pressure on her backside. The clock was ticking. As I prayed, I felt it was right to pursue the C-section, not necessarily to save Daisy, but to do the best I could to prevent unnecessary pain and suffering.  

“A righteous man regards the life of his animal…” Prov 12:10

I have several veterinarian friends, and after consulting with a total of 5, none had ever heard of a sheep with a perineal hernia. Everyone gave roughly the same prognosis: don’t expect much 😞 If lambs are pulled more than 5 days before their due date, they’ll die and mother’s don’t always make it through C-sections. One said “expect dead lambs” and another offered “a terminal C-section, just pull the lambs and shoot the mother.”  I was prepared for the worst: total loss of Daisy, lambs, and a vet bill, but I knew it was right to give them the best shot possible.

I didn’t pray a single prayer during these days. 🤐 I did not need to. I had already placed her in God’s hands back in April and I knew He was working this situation out. I cried, because I love my animal, but I also had a deep sense of peace knowing my answer was coming. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:7.

God was going to decide, and I was prepared to give it all up. I spent extra time in the pasture giving extra treats and scratches knowing that these may be her last days.

I waited  for as long as I was comfortable with and on 5/5/25 I called the local vet to schedule a C-section. The soonest they could come was the following day. Dr. Kelsie came early Tuesday morning and confirmed the diagnosis. We got Miss Daisy positioned, numbed, shaved, and went to work. Halfway through she collapsed to her stomach as Dr. Kelsie worked quickly to find and remove lambs. With each lamb she grabbed I worked to dry, warm, and stimulate them to breathe (they had lethargy from the meds given to Daisy). She removed 3 live ram lambs 🥹 She then stitched and stapled Daisy back together as quickly as she could, and then I placed the lambs by her side, and walked away. I waited several hours before going back to check on her knowing she needed to rest and there was nothing I could do. In my heart I was prepared for the worst—a dead mom and dead lambs, but to my surprise, when I went out next, she was standing and drinking, and her hernia had almost completely sucked back into her abdomen.

I couldn’t believe it. For the next hours I focused on milking colostrum from Daisy and bottle feeding her little ram lambs. If she survived, I didn’t expect for her to care for her lambs, especially not triplets.

The next morning, there she was again. 24-hours post C-section and I could hear her making deep bleats, a special sound the mama’s only use with new lambs. She was cleaning them and letting them nurse. Miss Daisy once again proved why she was the best ewe ever 😊

I kept a close watch on her and the lambs, intervening and adding bottles where I felt necessary, and despite the odds, they all pulled through. No one knew what to expect regarding her hernia, which was never fixed. Some vets felt it would suck back in when the pressure was removed and others thought it would remain and possibly lead to infections as it would cause difficulty with urinating and bowel movements. We are now 6 months post lambing and C-section and you’d never know she had an issue.

Daisy will never breed again and has been retired to pet life.

I can honestly say that I expected the Lord to take Daisy and end my shepherding days. There were times that this idea felt like a relief, it would be less work in my life, but it also would be missed. I love my sheep. I love watching them, interacting with them, and caring for them (most days). Despite the stress of lambing season, our whole family has such joy every time new lambs are born.

Someone asked me recently about the topic of surrender. She asked “how do you know if you’ve truly surrendered something to God?” I replied with some of the above. I knew Daisy was given over in my heart because despite caring deeply, I didn’t feel led to pray for her situation at all. I had peace with either outcome. Others prayed for her recovery once I made them aware of the C-section on my farm page (I did this after it was finished), but in my heart it was settled. Live or die, sheep or no sheep, I just wanted to be found in the Lord’s will.

“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.” Mat 7:21

I will add that since this experience, the sheep have shifted in my heart. I still love and enjoy them, but it’s much more a “take it or leave it” thing, and I think this is what God was after. There are times in our life that even the most innocent of things can begin to take over. God is a jealous God. He desires our time, attention, and affections and will not compete with anything or anyone. If there’s something that’s come to your mind while reading this, give it to God. What have you got to lose? If you hold onto it, you may lose it anyway, but if you give it to Him and He allows it to remain, you can know that you are in His will and there is no better place to be.

At the end of the day, surrender is a heart issue more than an issue about the actual “thing.” There are times the Lord is checking in on your heart like He did with Abraham and Isaac. He doesn’t always take what we place on the altar, but sometimes He does. I’ve experienced both in life. When we are living for Him, and choosing His will above our own, surrendering is natural. We can trust God and His process whether it’s the outcome we’d chose or not, because ultimately we know His ways are higher (Isa 55:8-9).

Whatever you’re wrestling with, consider turning it all over. Let God be God. He’ll make it clear whether your desire is something you can keep or if it’s something that will derail you and needs to be removed. Trust Him. He’s good at this.

For me, that is my deepest desire: to be in God’s will. To be found doing the things I’m supposed to do and faithful with whatever He trusts me with during this short time on earth. At the end of the day, this mindset will always lead one back to surrender. Regularly and continuously checking in and surrendering to His will in all areas of life from reputation to relationships, career to hobbies, it’s all to remain on the table.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Rocky Soil

Miss Daisy1 Comment

I’ve been wrestling the elements as of late. And actually, some people too 😅 But I’ll start with the easy one…

Bottom line is our sheep pasture isn’t holding up 😐 I’m fighting what feels like an uphill battle to reclaim it as thistles have taken root and barren patches developed. I fight this against time (having the time to put the work in plus the seasonality of planting coming to a close), conditions (needing the proper rain and temps), and “predators” (literally if I’m out doing any kind of work my nosey chickens come and want to investigate–they love to destroy everything I plant if I don’t protect it 🙄).

We aren’t a big farm with nice flat open plots of land. We have a few acres. The designated pasture areas are on a hillside just before our woods. We have a tractor, but not the kind of equipment most people use to plant larger areas. As a result, the pasture repairs (destroying thistles/nettles and sowing seed that’s good for grazing) really have to be done by hand 🫤

As I’ve been working to rescue and reclaim patches of our paddocks, I can’t help but think about the parable of the Sower and the seeds.

“Again, Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. 2 He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: 3 “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”

9 Then Jesus said, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

10 When he was alone, the Twelve and the others around him asked him about the parables. 11 He told them, “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables 12 so that,

“‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving,
    and ever hearing but never understanding;
otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’”

13 Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? 14 The farmer sows the word. 15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16 Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18 Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20 Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.” Mark 4:1-20

While out working the ground and planting, I’ve noticed a few things…

It’s not enough to just throw seeds around and hope for the best, very few survive. Whats given reasonable results is when I broadcast HUGE amounts of seed under the right conditions (just before it rains to soften the ground, clear thistles, cover seeds with mulch).

What would give even better results would be if we could till up everything, but that’s not an option for us right now.

Anyway, IF I can get the seeds to germinate, I still need to protect them from the chickens and the sheep. The chickens scratch at them and uproot and the sheep primarily stomp new growth. And then there’s the thistles…As long as the pasture is young, I have to go in and cut down or dig up thistles or they block the sunlight and choke out the developing sheep food (the sheep don’t eat the thistles).

This is not unlike our lives and our hearts, as Jesus so clearly explained.

If we are not diligent in keeping good soil, we cannot expect to produce good crops. It’s so simple. And yet, it took walking through my wasteland pasture this year to have it really hit home 🙈

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. 24 Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.25 Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. 26 Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.27 Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.” Prov 4:23-27

The pasture cannot be left unattended, and neither can our hearts. It is now and will always be a battle ground. ⚔️ A place where I fight to keep the plants I desire to feed my sheep and eliminate those they deem inedible. Going into our second year of spring/summer grazing, I think I get it now 🫥

Have you ever looked at a Christian who seems like they’ve de-railed or like their life is a trainwreck? Or maybe you’ve been/are currently that Christian?

Good news: there’s hope.

As I was out sowing abundantly and covering patches of dry rocky soil, I felt like God was sharing a few things with me.

First, some Christians have never taken the time to work the soil. If we really want to reflect Jesus, we have to do the hard work–not just casting seed (reading the Word or listening to a sermon) and hoping for the best–we need to TILL UP THE FALLOW GROUND.

Tilling is HARD WORK.

Tilling is repentance and continued obedience to the Word. It’s an acknowledgment of what is wrong, asking forgiveness (softening the soil), and inwardly turning away from things that do not bring about what God desires. This is where the rubber meets the road. Every time we choose to turn from offense, gossip, slander, accusation, lust, theft, idolatry, etc and turn towards God, we soften the ground, pluck up a few more weeds, and protect the seeds that have been sown 💪 When we DON’T do the right things in these situations, we basically allow the chickens, sheep, and thistles to come and destroy the very thing we’ve been hoping for (the fruit of God’s Word in our lives).

Here’s the hard part–you can’t just do it once. And if you’re a seasoned Christan, you’ve heard that, you know it, but it doesn’t mean we are always diligent in doing it 😬 And when we are not–it starts to show. It doesn’t matter how many times you go to church in a week, how many activities you’re involved in, or sermons you listen to. It doesn’t matter if you speak Christianese fluently and can give all of the right answers. When we aren’t diligent in keeping our hearts, they will naturally begin to harden and the weeds will come in and start to choke out the crop. Eventually, weeds seep out in small ways leading to even bigger issues as you try to live off of the little remaining good you still have.

One more analogy from sowing and I’ll wrap this up…

I’ve said this in a number of blogs in various ways–but one of the keys to the seeds’ survival is having more surviving seeds around it (“not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” Heb 10:25). It’s not just the lone sheep the wolves prey on, it’s also the lone plant! A single germinated seed all by itself stands less of a chance of survival compared to more densely sown areas.

Finally, one key I’ve discovered is to broadcast LOTS of seed ALL of the time! Not just sprinkles here and there, go all in!

Whether in life or in the pasture, when I’ve been stingy with sowing, I’ve had weak harvests. When I’ve cast lots of seed (the Word of God) all over the place (my work, the gas station, grocery stores, etc), the odds of some taking root and successfully germinating increase. Once some seeds start to grow, they help break up the soil and prevent quick evaporation of water for the ones around them, making it more likely that others survive and simultaneously make less space for weeds.

Jesus called ALL of us to make disciples. It’s not enough just to exist. He expects us to grow like a plant…through germination and immaturity TO maturity and replication. When we make sure the Word is falling on the right soil, we *WILL* produce a crop some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown…🙌

In closing, I have good news–you don’t have to have perfect pastures to have some edible plants. Same time, you can’t ignore the hard spots or they will grow. Little by little, the fallow ground expands and quite literally the only thing that seems to be able to take root there are thistles. Do not neglect to do the right things ALL of the time, right away, or your crop will be reduced.

It’s not easy to walk away from the temptations to whisper about the wrongs done to you. It’s not easy to forgive or turn the other cheek. It’s not easy to shut down temptation when you’re on your last nerve or completely exhausted.

But remember “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Cor 10:13

If you’ve ever looked at another Christian and wondered “what is going on there?” because things don’t quite line up, pray for them. COVER THE SEED IN THEIR HEARTS SO IT CAN GROW. What’s likely going on is they’re exhausted, under attack, and maybe don’t even know it. Promote love. Cover their wrongs, even when it hurts, and hopefully, another believer will extend that same level of grace to you when you need it, because we all need it now and then 🙃

Hopefully you’re reading this and feel reassured because you’ve done the hard things and kept up with guarding your heart. If so, take a second to think of the people in your life you might need to be covering and pray for them. The prayer of the righteous man avails much (James 5:16). If, however, you have some work to do—do it! Go all in. Repent. Till up the hard ground and KEEP (yes keep) broadcasting seed. You’re not disqualified just because you’re a work in progress, we all are.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Clover seeds scattered on the hard cracked soil. If left uncovered (not prayed for), few will survive.

“So shall my word be that goes forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it” Isaiah 55:11