The Narrow Way

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Still no. Not. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Still no. Not. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No.Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Still no. Not. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No.Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Still no. Not. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No.Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Still no. Not. Nope.

I’d wager you didn’t read that entire list. Why? Because it’s long and exhausting. It’s 56 negative responses. And it IS long AND exhausting, you know how I know? Because it was my life, 😬for 56 months while we waited for a baby.

But I’m not going to write a big long blog about infertility, so fear not. Why I share that is to say that I know what it’s like to have hope crushed repeatedly, month after month, for years. I know what it’s like to experience physical and emotional pain repeatedly, month after month, for years and not seem to have an answer in sight.

This past week, I had a friend walk away from her faith. This is a woman that my husband and I have invested 9 years in. Although geographical changes and seasons of life have naturally created some distance, she’s been family to us.

I remember when we prayed with her and sensed we should “adopt her.” Sort of a silly thing when you think of it, 🤔 here she could be our mom, but we were the ones adopting her. 🤷‍♀️ Anyway, I shared this with her, that we wanted to adopt her, and she tearfully accepted. We were the closest people in her life. So ever since, that’s how we cared for her, in every way a family would.

I won’t go into her business, but suffice it to say, she got lost in disappointment. She concluded that “Jesus is a liar,” and wasn’t worth her time anymore. Unfortunately, despite our reassurance and commitment to her regardless of her faith, we too have become collateral damage of this disappointment. 😔 I’m not looking for sympathy, we don’t regret loving her and investing in her, but it hits you 💔 . So my wheels have been turning, thinking about how she got to a place of abandoning the only real hope life has: Jesus.

I’m reminded of how disappointment, if not managed, truly make a heart sick.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” Prov 13:12

And as I’ve camped, pondering and praying for this friend’s broken heart, it occurs to me that disappointment leads to a fork in the road. Whether it is from one large upset or an accumulation of small obstacles, disappointment inevitably brings us to a point of decision regarding our view of God.

It certainly did for me during our years of infertility. And although that time was difficult, a rollercoaster of unknowns, I chose to hold to God. From my years of walking without God, living as I pleased, I knew I had no definite source of hope outside of Him. Even if I was existing in a life I didn’t envision, a life with the possibility of a miracle still seemed a better option than one without. Furthermore, I had seen God be faithful to His word over and over. So no matter how low I sank, or the thoughts and questions I wrestled with, I was committed to walking through the valley.

I decided I would seek out and learn Gods promises and hold Him to them. My husband chose the same. And as we waited, we did our best to be faithful with what He had given us charge over in that season of life. We ministered everywhere we could, in our city, in foreign countries, and to our neighbors. What I was unaware of at the time, is that this was Gods appointment for us. Within our dis-appointment, He had divinely positioned us and tailored our lives to get us to draw nearer than ever before. He had appointed that time and season to grow deeper roots of faith, if we would allow it.

Its not within the scope of this post to go into all of the ways God used, grew, and positioned us during that time, but I will say this: looking back, I always give thanks.

Of course, I’m not alone in choosing to embrace Gods “appointments” within “dis-appointments.” Probably many of you have already learned this, though if you’re like me the reminder is never lost. Scripture is also full of things that were disappointing and then turned around for some of the greatest comebacks ever!

Think of Joseph and Mary…pledged to be married when he finds she is pregnant. I can only imagine his disappointment and the thoughts he wrestled as he decided to quietly separate. Then suddenly an angel appears to reassure him—he need not be disappointed, he was actually being appointed to raise Gods one and only Son 🤯Talk about reason not to quit in the valley!

What about the other Joseph, the one in the days of Pharaoh? Sold into slavery, rejected by his family, wrongfully accused, and thrown in prison—no doubt his spirit was weak, his heart sick, yet he held on. Committed to walk rightly in Gods sight. And suddenly, one day, everything changed and he found himself ruling over Egypt, extending mercy to those who cursed him.

I won’t even go deep into the crucifixion…but imagine for a minute if you had followed Jesus at that time, and suddenly he’s in the grave. Your hope seems stripped, you’d likely feel ashamed to have believed. Absolute disappointment and despair…until the third day came…🙌

As I’ve been thinking this week about our friends sick heart, I feel sad. I think of my own disappointments and how difficult it was to hold on. And maybe she just doesn’t have the reserve, maybe her situation is so much worse…😔🤷‍♀️ But at the same time I know God isn’t any less faithful to her than me. And thankfully, He will take her back in a heartbeat if she returns, just like we will. The choice is hers….

As for me, whether I receive the outcome I desire or not, I know one thing is true: if I hold on in faith, He won’t put me to shame. 🙌

“In you I trust, O my God, Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame.” Ps 25:1

When we face disappointments, especially those of large scale or the ones that don’t resolve the way we think they should—we always have a choice. Albeit, the choice may seem ridiculous, difficult, or nearly impossible. Yet, we always have the choice to seek out Gods appointment within our disappointment. And when we do this, when we seek Him with our whole heart, we will eventually find His faithfulness if we just hold on.

It may not be easy, but remember, after winter comes spring. Don’t let your faith die in the winter. Hold on my friends and reach out if you need to.

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Have a great week.